Saturday, July 16, 2011

Hell on Earth

I never knew one place could attract every bitter person in society into one job that would be the DMV. I came across this comic that I thought summed up the DMV very well.
    Funny no? I thought it was perfect. Anyways I had to go to the DMV because since getting married in March I had changed my last name officially on many documents with the exception of my drivers license, I was dreading this and I had heard horror stories of the social security office but that was easy breezy so I knew I was in for double trouble with the DMV. So since I was on my stay-cation and this was one of my To Do's while on my stay-cation I thought I have to do it today I just had too. Plus I am traveling in August (back to Vegas baby!! Woo-hoo!!) and I just saw doom looming with my airline ticket in my new last name and my drivers license in my maiden name. My worst fear would be that the TSA wouldn't let me fly and I would have to watch my plane take off as I was stuck in the terminal. Well I wasn't going to let that happen so I was just going to do it. So mid day on Friday on a hot summer day I haul my ass into the DMV. Now I think everyone else decided to go to the DMV at the same time as well. I had such anxiety of going because I thought gosh what if I forgot something then I'll have to come back but I was sure I had everything. I felt prepared I had my documents to change my name, my money (cash just in case they don't take plastic- phew! They stopped taking Visa so good thing I had cash), and everything organized in my Louis Speedy. I was set. However walking into the DMV I had this flashback to a book I read called Bitter is the New Black by Jennifer Lancaster (check out the book hilarious!) because Jennifer went into the unemployment office dressed to the 9's and suited in her new Prada handbag and the unemployment clerk was so rude to her and not helpful because Jennifer didn't look like she needed the unemployment. I thought this could happen to me! I mean I'm sure they were going to notice my bag and my rock on my hand and think they would give me a hard time. So I was shoved in line like cattle to wait to talk to some person to tell them why I was there. So while waiting in this narrow line with this woman behind me who wanted to stand so close to me I couldn't help but start people watching and looking around. The first thing my eyes land on is a sign, "Disorderly conduct or language will be asked to leave the premise". My first thought was mm nice- safe place I'm in then my second thought was gosh I wish I could get one of those for work for when I have disorderly customers and can't turn them around with my charm. So I'm finally hustled to the first check point to tell them why I am at the DMV. I decided early on that being very polite will get me the furthest. So I am issued a ticket and directed to sit down. I now felt like I was at the deli in the supermarket waiting for my number to be called and act like I just won the lotto. I didn't want to make direct eye-contact with anyone because then that would give them the approval to start awkward conversation with me. So I just pretend to look for something in my handbag but then that only takes up about a minute of my time. I did bring my iPad but then I don't want to attract one of those flash mobs that have been hitting the city. Okay maybe I am being dramatic but you know I'd rather be safe than sorry.  FINALLY my number was called to go speak to another unfriendly person but I thought I could kill this person with kindness. Nope wrong again- he wasn't even phased that I was smiling and being polite. They must take a class on how to be the most unpleasant human beings. Is that even possible?? Now I would think anyone who has a soul if someone is changing their name because they got married the person on the receiving end may say congrats. Nooo not at the DMV because that would be thoughtful. So I finally sign my new name about a million times in order to get a new drivers license and state ID and $25 later I am now in line to wait for my photo to be taken. Now I would like to put a disclaimer here. I did not have any make up on and I had my hair in a very high messy ponytail bun which you can't see in the photo and now just makes my hair look like I just woke up out of bed. I look like I just came out of the Sahara desert because I am tan and flushed so all in all this is the photo that I am now haunted with as a ugly reminder of my experience at the DMV.... 

I promise you that this is not what I look like. Here is a pic of what I truly look like... 

1 comment:

  1. I wish they would prepare you for the picture and honestly you should have the option to retake it. If we have to wait an hour they should be decent enough to let us retake a horrible picture! My current picture isn't so bad, but I deliberately went to the DMV after having had a hair appointment where my hair was blown out! You have to plan for these things, girly. Just saying.